


We All Get A Little Wrecked Sometimes

by CasTheButler



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst, I even manage to mention Valentine's day in here somewhere, Jealousy, M/M, Misunderstandings (sort of?), Neil actually goes to counselling, Neil and Aaron are actually pretty chill with each other in this, honestly this is a bit of a mess and I apologise, neil and andrew are best friends, trans!neil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-17 07:29:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13654332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CasTheButler/pseuds/CasTheButler
Summary: “I'm fine. I'm just getting out” Neil calls out. He shuts off the water, dries himself and gets dressed. Matt is sitting on the benches when he gets out, looking down at his phone. Neil pushes their knees together to get Matt to look up.ORdumb boys are in love, there is some angst, and everything really is fine.





	We All Get A Little Wrecked Sometimes

**Author's Note:**

> Written for @svragent for the TFC Valentine's Day Exchange.
> 
> Even though I've tried to keep these characters as close to canon as possible. I do feel I've written them at least slightly out of character in parts. I hope that throughout the story I've given enough explanation as to why.
> 
> Essentially the bulk of the story is meant to have happened the same, except of course for the part where Neil ends up with Matt instead of Andrew and Neil is Trans.
> 
> (Also I wasn't sure if we had a collection this time so I'm posting it separately for now

Neil can hear the clock in Betsy's office tick along with the seconds. He blocks it out and continues to stare at the same spot on the floor he had for the last five minutes.

“Neil,” Betsy says softly. Neil doesn't like being here even if he agreed to this, he and Andrew are good at convincing each other to do things. Neil supposes that's what best friends are for. Neil sighs and curls his legs up on the armchair. He turns away from Betsy. She's probably making a note of it. Neil pauses for several more seconds before speaking up.

“I don't mind my body so much, I'm happy, happy-ish,” Neil pauses to see if Betsy will say anything, “Most of the time it's manageable, and it's usually how other people see me and...” Neil takes a deep breath, he hates talking about this, “I know being upset about some random article misgendering me is dumb.”

“That's not dumb at all Neil,” Betsy says. Neil smiles half-heartedly at her, more a small grimace than anything. He's trying not to let it get to him, but his binder had hurt so much that day, and it sucked.

“That's what Matt and Andrew said. I'm pretty sure Allison is boycotting the magazine,” Neil admits. Betsy lets out a small laugh at that.

“See your friends are supporting you,” Betsy tells him, and Neil feels a surge of warmth inside him because she's right. His friends care about him. “Hey Neil, our time for today is almost up. How are you feeling?” Betsy asks.

“I'm fine” Neil replies automatically, and Betsy raises her eyebrow slightly. “No, I'm really fine, thanks.” He says and gets up, he leans forward and shakes her hands.

“Thank you for coming in. I hope I'll see you again soon.” She says.

♡ 

Neil heads back over to the dorms feeling both better and extremely exhausted. When Neil pushes his door open, Kevin and Andrew are sitting on the couch arguing. Kevin must hear the door because he turns towards Neil.

“Neil, please tell Andrew watching Exy highlights is important, and I watched all of his stupid cooking shows last week,” Kevin says. Neil stares at him and sighs.

“Kevin, if you want him to do things with you. Maybe don't call stuff that he likes stupid.” Neil suggests. Andrew gives Neil one of his signature mock salutes.

“Smart man,” Andrew says. Neil rolls his eyes and leaves them to it. He wants cuddles from Matt.

 

Neil nearly runs straight into Aaron as he's leaving his and Matt's room.

“Hey, have you seen Andrew? I wanted to see if he wanted to get ice-cream with me” Aaron asks.

“Yeah, Kevin was trying to force him to watch Exy,” Neil tells him. The twins were getting along better. As they moved out of each other's personal space, they enjoyed spending time together more. Aaron offered a lazy fist bump, and Neil replies with a brush of his knuckles. Neither man comments on the exchange. They both go their separate ways.

Matt is lying on his bed and gets up as soon as he notices Neil walk in. He's across the room in two strides engulfing Neil in a hug.

“Hey baby,” He says, and Neil sags in relief. He hadn't even realised he was that stressed out. Matt combs one hand gently through his boyfriend's hair and uses the other to rub circles into Neil's lower back.

“Hi” Neil mumbles into Matt's chest.

“Why don't you put on something comfy and I can find something to watch on Netflix,” Matt tells him. Letting go so that Neil can step away. Neil walks over to Matt's drawers and rummages for a pair of his tracksuit pants. He knows he's left some in here. Neil finds what he's looking for and steps out of his jeans. He glances at Matt for a second before facing the corner and lifting his top over his head, followed by his binder. He pulls his top back on before turning around. He knows Matt doesn't care, but Neil doesn't want him to see his bare chest. Neil joins Matt on the bed and peers at the laptop screen.

“That's a terrible movie,” Neil says pointing to the screen and scrunching up his nose. Matt lets out a soft snort. The banter back and forth for a while, trying to figure out what to watch and eventually Matt shuts the lid and drags Neil up the bed. Neil huffs at him, but he'd come over for cuddles in the first place. They lie like that wrapped up in each other until Neil feels his phone buzz. Neil reaches for it sleepily.

“'Drew?” he mumbles into the phone.

“When are you coming back?” Andrew asks from the other end. Neil pulls the phone away from his face to squint at the time.

“Soon, why do you need me to get you something?” Neil sits up, and Matt turns away from him.

“Nicky's going to order pizza” Andrew replies. Neil stands up and starts picking his things up with one hand.

“Just us, or?” Neil asks, he knows Andrew will get what he means.

“Yeah just us tonight, hang out with Boyd another time,” Andrew tells him and hangs up. Neil flicks his phone shut and turns his attention back to Matt.

“Babe?” Neil says after a couple of moments when Matt doesn't turn to face him. Neil touches Matt's shoulder, and Matt flinches. “I'm going to go chill out with the others.”

“Have fun,” Matt replies.

♡ 

Andrew, Aaron, Nicky and Kevin are all crammed onto the couch together when Neil walks in. Nicky grins when he notices the clothes in Neil's hand. His face falls a second later. He stands up and drags Neil to join them.

“We're having Monster Movie night,” Nicky says eagerly. Neil finds himself half on top of Kevin because there is not enough room on the couch for five people.

“You aren't monsters,” Neil says automatically. Andrew throws a piece of popcorn at him.

“Embrace it,” Aaron tells him, and Neil rolls his eyes. Andrew throws another piece of popcorn.

They watch three movies in the end with some breaks in between, Neil barely remembers any of them because he's half asleep between Kevin and Nicky. He stumbles groggily to bed. He sends Matt a good night text before he drifts off completely.

♡ 

Neil checks his phone in the morning, Matt never replied. Neil doesn't think much of it he'll see Matt on the court for practice anyway.

Neil, Andrew and Kevin all get ready in relative silence. They move around each other comfortably. Andrew throws Neil his t-shirt, and Neil slips into it.

Neil rechecks his phone as they climb into the Maserati, still nothing. He frowns a little and drops the device into the centre console. Neil drives to court so Andrew can doze lazily in the front seat. Kevin climbs out of the car the minute Neil kills the engine and Andrew opens one eye to glare after him before sighing and stepping out himself.

“Come on Junkie,” Andrew says, and Neil follows. They enter the locker room together, and Matt looks up from where he's standing before looking down again. Matt finishes tying his shoes and makes his way over.

“Hey,” Matt says. Neil grins at him.

“Good morning,” he replies, he's happy to be getting out on the court. They have free practice, and Andrew agreed to let Neil shoot on goal with him one on one.

Andrew kicks the back of Neil's calf impatiently.

“Come on, get changed. You can flirt with Boyd later,” Andrew tells him.

“Yeah, I'll see you around,” Matt tells him and walks away. Neil takes a moment to stare after him and then changes into his gear while Andrew does the same.

Andrew steps into the goal, and they go to work. It's high intensity, and Neil forgets everything else. He has to stop eventually because his chest is feeling tender. Even with the new binders, they've specifically released for athletes Neil still needs a break. He places his hands on his knees and breathes in and out a few times. He looks up, and Andrew has vacated the goal. He guesses this means they're done. He glances around the court searching for Matt. He's on the far end running a drill with Kevin and Aaron while the Dan, Allison and Nicky watch. The group of them are apparently taking a brief break. Renee, he assumes, is with Andrew.

“They're doing well,” Neil acknowledges as he steps up next to Dan. She nods but doesn't turn to face him.

“Yeah? Have fun with Andrew?” she asks, passing him her water bottle. He takes a few sips before handing it back. She grabs it, clicking the lid shut forcibly.

“I did, but I always have fun playing exy so…” Neil shrugs non-committally. Dan knocks her shoulder into his.

“I know you do,” she says. “but you do know Matt is upset, about Andrew, right?” Dan asks.

“What'd he do this time, I'll talk to him, but you know,” Neil says. Dan sighs and pats him on the back.

“He's not upset with Andrew, he's upset with you,” she tells him. Neil thinks about it for a while, but it's not making sense to him.

“Why?” he asks. Dan looks like she's going to answer, then she shakes her head and grabs Allison to continue with practice. Neil stretches his arms above his head and joins Matt and the others.

♡ 

It's not long after that Wymack blows the whistle to get them to run some actual plays together and then they hit the showers. Neil pokes and prods unsurely at the tender parts of his body and purses his lips in frustration. A somewhat familiar feeling twists itself inside of Neil's gut.

He must be in there a long time because there's a hard, sharp knock on the door of his shower stall.

“Neil, you doing okay in there?” Matt asks, and Neil's shoulders shake slightly. He places a hand on the wall and takes a deep breath.

“I'm fine. I'm just getting out” Neil calls out. He shuts off the water, dries himself and gets dressed. Matt is sitting on the benches when he gets out, looking down at his phone. Neil pushes their knees together to get Matt to look up.

“Hey, everyone else left already,” Matt says. Neil nods and leans in to kiss Matt. Matt kisses him back, and Neil climbs into his lap. They stay like that kissing for a while with Matt's hands on Neil's waist. Eventually, Neil stops and rests his forehead against Matt's.

“So, I've been thinking,” Neil begins.

“A dangerous thought,” Matt teases, and Neil scrunches up his nose at him.

“Go on, I'm sorry,” Matt says. Neil takes a few deep breaths. He's not sure how to approach the subject he needs to discuss. He knows there's no reason to be anxious.

“I was thinking that maybe I'd start on T,” Neil feels like the world stops. It feels like it's hours until Matt speaks even though it can't be more than half a second. Matt pulls Neil closer.

“If that's what you want. I support you completely,” Matt tells him. Neil buries his face in Matt's neck for a moment before getting up. He takes one of Matt's hands and squeezes it.

“And I'm grateful, I am, but I need to not talk about this with you. Not past this.” Matt drops Neil's hand.

“Are you breaking up with me?” Matt demands. Neil blinks at him a few times, racking his brain for a time he'd even come close to expressing such a desire.

“No,” Neil states plainly, and Matt sighs.

“If you're going to decide you have feelings for Andrew and leave me, just warn me. Please?” Matt sounds tired, and Neil just feels even more confused. He takes a seat.

“Of course I have feelings for Andrew, he's my best friend. I've never had one before or friends, or even a real family,” Matt is starting openly at Neil. “People seem to forget I've never done certain things, never had certain experiences and the things I have experienced in my life, well, ” Matt's breathing hitches. “Look, I get I'm not the perfect boyfriend, but I've also never been a boyfriend. To anyone.”

“I'm really sorry. I've been horrible to you,” Matt says. Neil snaps his head to look at Matt.

“What?” he chokes out.

“I've been stressed because I had a bunch of exams in classes, and my mom wasn't feeling well, and I've just been expecting you to be here to lean on, but that's not fair, not when I haven't communicated that with you,” Matt explains. Neil nods, he hadn't known any of this, and maybe he should have. However, Neil can only know what Matt tells him.

“Is your mom okay?” Neil asks.

“Yeah, but also, I need to say sorry for taking this important moment away from you. You told me something life-changing, and I threw it back at you because I was jealous.” Matt tells him.

“It's okay,” Neil says because to him it is. He doesn't feel wronged by Matt's actions. “It's not that I don't trust you. You're the first person I've told. I'm just used to living with a certain level of independence, and I need to know within myself that I'm making the right decision, without any outside influence.” Neil doesn't mention how he's nervous about the process of getting the hormones or how he knows it'll change his game. He's not searching for sympathy.

“Okay” Matt replies, and Neil grins.

“Awesome, can we get out of this locker room now?” Neil asks. Matt leans over and presses a kiss to Neil's cheek.

♡ 

He has another meeting with Betsy at the end of the week. He picks at the edge of his sweater. It's a bit big on him because it's an old one of Nicky's. Betsy smiles and sits him down. She asks if he wants something to drink. For a brief second, he wonders if she means alcohol. It's pretty obvious she doesn't though.

“Hot chocolate,” he says. Betsy busies herself making it before sitting down in the chair across from him. He takes a sip and scrunches up his nose in distaste.

“Not a fan?” she asks, and Neil shakes his head. He considers apologising for the waste as he sets it to one side.

“I want to start hormones,” Neil says. Getting it out now is as good a time as any. There's a pause, and Neil searches Betsy’s face for a sign of surprise. He doesn't find a noticeable one.

“I didn't think you wanted that,” Betsy says evenly.

“I've thought about it more, and I'm nervous. But I really really want to do it. I said I was happy enough with my body and I didn't lie about that. I just want to be happier. As happy as I can be.” Neil explains. He clenches his hand slightly. He doesn't want to cry. He thinks of every horrible thing in his life, and it somehow amuses him that this, sitting here in a therapist's office talking about wanting to be happy, is what drives him to tears.

He laughs out loud.

“What's so funny?” Betsy questions.

“I'm a fucking mess,” Neil tells her. That gets him an eyebrow raise.

“You're not a mess, and if you really want to do this I support you, and we can get started. You are aware there are some assessments I need to do. Abby as well.” Betsy informs him.

“Yes,” Neil replies.

“This will affect your game,” she says.

“Yes,” Neil reiterates. Betsy smiles at him.

“Let's get started then.”

♡ 

Neil feels raw, yet relieved when he finishes up his session. He knocks on Matt's door and is greeted by a soft kiss as soon as his boyfriend registers who's at the door. Neil smiles into Matt's mouth before pulling away.

“I actually came to speak to Aaron,” Neil says. Matt clutches a hand over his chest and lets out an exaggerated gasp of offense. He grins widely and steps aside.

“Aaron you have a guest,” Matt tells him. Aaron looks up from his med textbook.

“Oh hey Neil,” he says, placing it aside. “What's up?” he asks confused.

“Can I talk to you in private?” Neil questions. Aaron shrugs and gets up.

“Sure, I was about to go meet up with Katelyn,” he tells Neil as he slips into his coat. “If you don't mind a walk, we can talk on the way.”

“Sure” Neil agrees and turns to give Matt a quick kiss. “I'll be back soon okay.” He tells Matt.

“Okay,” Matt echoes with a smile.

 

“What do you need Neil?” Aaron asks him as they step out into the crisp afternoon air.

“Honestly, I wanted your advice on something nice to do for Valentine's Day,” Neil says. Aaron stops in his tracks dumbfounded.

“Why wouldn't you ask Kevin or Nicky, or,” Aaron trails off, “We're not even really friends,” Aaron says.

“Yeah we are,” Neil says. “I mean, relatively speaking” Aaron snorts.

“Yeah. Relatively speaking,” he agrees. “I think Matt would love it if you pulled out the cliche bullshit. Roses, chocolates, a giant teddy bear. Breakfast in bed and snuggling after” Neil takes in what Aaron is saying and grins.

“Thanks. Enjoy your date with Katelyn,” Neil says.

“Yeah. Good luck or whatever,”Aaron replies, and they part ways.

♡ 

Two days later Neil shows up at Matt's door with his arms full. Matt's face lights up when he sees all of the goodies.

“Are those all for me?” he questions, taking some stuff so he can actually reach Neil underneath it all.

“Yes,” Neil says, and Matt kisses him.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

♡ ♡ ♡

**Author's Note:**

> A few things to note.
> 
> 1\. As someone who wears binders, I actually have zero idea if an "Athletic binder" exists. I'm assuming you'd actually just wear a sports bra, but I do know you can get swimwear binders.
> 
> 2\. I have no idea what the process of getting T is like in America, I hope that I'm not too far off and that the story at least seems plausible.


End file.
